I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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