a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
