I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
