seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
