im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
