I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
