It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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