how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
