was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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