I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
