yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
