Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
