The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
