"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize