so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
