I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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