i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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