when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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