I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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