I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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