i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
