okay pat passed out under dana's car
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
