I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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