I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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