We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
