my phone needs a breathalizer
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
