That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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