he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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