If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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