I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
