I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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