just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
