So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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