Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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