Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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