Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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