Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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