Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
