we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
