The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think people are normalizing furries
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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