I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize