That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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