how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize