i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The adults are the big ones right?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
