the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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