Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
