she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
