i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
