Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
