Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
