and you said cock pushups were impossible
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
