i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
