why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
