Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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