So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
