I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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