Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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