Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
