ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
