I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
