There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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