just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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