There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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