I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
