I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize