I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am one with the molecules
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
