hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
