All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
