So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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