great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
