Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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