So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
