My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
