How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
